Getting Through the Week
I want to reflect on the last days of my pregnancy with Stanley, our baby boy. It was a time filled with heavy yet deeply meaningful decisions, moments of love, and connection. As we faced the heart-wrenching task of determining how to bring Stanley into the world, we found ourselves weighing our options between a medical induction and a surgical procedure. Every choice we made came from a place of love and respect for him, and I can’t express enough how much this decision weighed on my heart.
In the moments leading up to our choice, I felt an overwhelming sense of heaviness. The thought of labor seemed unbearable, but I realized that bringing Stanley into the world through a medically induced delivery felt like the most respectful option. It was a way to honour him as our son, even in the face of such sorrow. As we navigated the logistics of that week, we cherished our final moments together. Listening to his heartbeat with family surrounding us created a profound sense of connection. Those moments felt sacred, even as we were grappling with the reality of our situation.
As we moved through those days, naming Stanley became a beautiful turning point. Initially, we had a different name in mind, but once we faced the reality of our situation, it didn’t feel right anymore. With the support of my cousin Laura, who is a midwife, we re-evaluated what a name should mean. It was clear that Stanley deserved a name as unique and special as his story. Choosing the name Stanley Frederick gave us both peace and joy amid our grief, and it felt like a way to honor his memory.
Navigating the logistical tasks associated with this experience was another layer of difficulty. From choosing funeral arrangements to signing hospital paperwork, the emotional weight was immense. It felt surreal to be making decisions about a funeral for our baby, yet those moments were softened by love and support from our family. The presence of loved ones made a difference, helping us create a space where we could share our feelings openly.
Throughout that week, we did our best to balance the intense sorrow with quiet moments of beauty. I remember seeking solace in the simple things—taking baths, listening to music, and holding my belly, allowing myself to connect with Stanley in the ways that felt right. Those small, tender moments were incredibly powerful as we navigated the complex emotions of impending loss.
This reflection is not just a personal journey but also an invitation to those who may find themselves in similar situations. The conversations surrounding grief, love, and the choices families make during such heart-wrenching times are essential. I hope that by sharing this experience, I can create a space for others to feel seen, understood, and supported as they navigate their own journeys of love and loss.
